How have you been? It's been so long since we last functioned together. Side-by-side, we made such a great team. You were the voice inside my head, that last lingering bit of my conscience.
Since you've disappeared, things just haven't been the same. Take last night for example. I went out with the company softball team after our game (in which I ducked at an oncoming line drive and hit a dribbler to the pitcher in my one at-bat). I planned to have just one but without you there, my plan crumbled faster than an Oreo in heat.
And today, today, today--I thought you had come back! At lunch, I said an emphatic NO to french fries, promising the waiter (and myself) that I'd nibble at one or two from Hailey's plate. The fries came out, plump yet crisp, and self-control, you disappeared! At a vital moment in my diet and in my life, you had forsaken me. So I ate my half of the plate, and dumped salt on it too (which I hear is bad for the blood pressure).
I miss you, self-control. I need you. We had the best life together, way back when. Four years of college have whittled you away to nothing, and now I sit here at my desk, wishing for your quick and speedy return.
I'll be good, I promise.