Dumb Shit I've Done Without My Thyroid

Hello, people. We are on week three of my life without a thyroid.
Well, five years and three weeks. But three weeks without taking my thyroid hormone.

I was reading about how this was going to make me feel and I read this message board of complainers who likened being thyroid-less to being sedated.

I was like LOL, I am stronger than that. And then the next morning I got up early to take the dog to the beach and drove over a huge, visible piece of driftwood and slashed my two front tires.

But that was surely a coincidence, right?

The next week I got lost. In Interlaken, NJ. A town of .383 square miles (according to Wikipedia). It's got like 5 streets. And my parents moved here
when I was 16.

I finally found my way home and promised to drink coffee before leaving the house again.

Then on Valentine's Day, I was babysitting because HAHA MY LIFE IS SO SAD, and I had to drink 3 Red Bulls to keep up with the children. Despite the fact I take medicine for tachycardia.

When the parents got home at midnight, I had drooled on their sofa pillow so I had to quickly turn it over before they saw. As I got in my car, the mom came running out WITH MY CAR KEYS. And my iPad. I then got in my car to leave and drove halfway down the street with the windshield frosted over, before I remembered that I left my charger at the house.

So the parents are standing in the kitchen, possibly talking about their love for each other, and I barge in ten minutes after leaving to get my charger.
The next day, the mom texted me I'd left my hat there. The hat I wear to cover up the fact that I have no energy to shower!


I then babysat for them on Tuesday and left my scarf there. I almost want to explain why I'm so scatter-brained but I'm too embarrassed.

AND THEN...the other night I rolled over in bed and cried because it hurt so much to move (fatigue, people) and I accidentally knocked all the crap off my bed into the narrow space between my bed and the wall. Without thinking to turn the light on, I just stuck my FACE down to see what I'd dropped (Frosted Flakes and books) and then TOPPLED, HEAD FIRST, into the chasm.

I nearly broke my crown, JACK AND JILL STYLE. (Note: this is actually something I've done while ON thyroid medicine, but I'm going to blame my dumb body for that stupidity.)

Lastly, last night I tried to heat up leftovers in the house. I was about to place the aluminum foil in the microwave, as one should never do, when the dog barked and distracted me. I let her inside and then went back to my apartment over the garage (my life is a fucking screenplay), only to wonder ten minutes later why I was so hungry. Didn't I...wasn't there...leftovers? I...think?

Luckily, before I ate, I remembered my dad telling me to heat up my dinner in the oven. So, missed that possible electrocution, which is a plus!

I've got another 3 weeks of not taking the hormone, and then blood tests to make sure my level is low enough to do the scans. And then 10-14 days after that, I should be feeling somewhat normal.

So, send Red Bull until then...and don't ask me to do anything that requires me to multitask. Like text and drive. Or walk and chew gum. I will choke.

(Thanks for all the care packages, birthday wishes and general love. I am astounded at the generosity of my friends. Love to you all.)


  1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rr8wIiypS_g

    Hank talks pooping in his pants.

  2. (((hugs))) been there. totally been there. may the force be with you in your attempts to survive the next 2-3 weeks!

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