Me: Oh Jesus. What? I barely drink. I don't smoke. I don't--
Dad: No, it's not that.
Dad: Well. You have diabetes.
Me: I guess that's true.
Dad: You...you have to stop eating donuts.
Dad: Your niece needs you to live.
Me: Way to play that card!
Dad: Your family needs you.
Me: FINE, I'LL STOP. I'LL GIVE THEM UP FOR LENT. BUT I'LL NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN.
(How many days until Jesus rises? Seriously. I passed a cop going into a Dunkin' Donuts and it was the only time in my life I wished I was in the pack of a police car.)