Well, Christmas is over. As I do every Christmas night (after I pray and thank God for baby Jesus and everything), I review my gifts. This year, as I surveyed my stack under the ole pine tree, I realized I had a pretty boring Christmas (in terms of gifts, that is. In terms of family drama, it served up a well-rounded, entertaining feast of dysfunction).
I'm becoming an adult. Perhaps I've already arrived, based on logistics alone. I've graduated college, secured a full time job with benefits, have not yet gotten fired from said job, and I've signed a lease on an apartment without any financial help. Logistically, I'm doing well. In terms of maturity and life experience though...well....you read the last post.
This year though, my gifts were not cool. Nor fun. They were just artifacts of my life. A cardigan for work; a blender for my new kitchen; plates, dishes. I felt like I was at a bridal shower (my bridegroom being Brenna). I mean what do these gifts really mean? Is this it? Am I stuck here in New York now? Where will these dishes go if I want to move abroad for a year? Do I take these glasses to India? Did David Foster Wallace have European style cutlery at my age? I appreciated the gifts, and they will go to great use in my apartment, but I found myself looking longingly at my sister's new iPod. That little pink nano was my youth, my former Christmas wish. And now, NOW, I had a blender.
I know it's stupid that a blender could freak me out like this (but not completely abnormal--see "Father of the Bride"), but perhaps it indicates a certain domesticity that I never really saw myself possessing. I don't think I'm settled down in the very least. I still make very poor decisions and do things such as drink too much in front of Derek's family and then throw up while driving on the Belt Parkway (yeah...that happened today).
I'm sure I'll figure this out someday. But for now, I'm going to go make myself a cocktail (or chocolate milkshake) in my new blender. Excess calories and alcohol are my go-to cure for every situation!