3/19/12

Hands of a Child, Chest of a Lady

Good morning and welcome to Music Monday, a new column on this here blog wherein I post an original song every Monday. So, like, once a month.

Oh, for all those new readers (a family member who just learned to read maybe?), by "write and sing", I mean "get an annoying stream of words in my head and then grab my child-sized acoustic guitar and play the one chord I know over and over".

I've written multiple "songs" about my sister and her stupid, beautiful red hair that always gets her a ton of attention; about Gen and that time she ate cat food; I've even written a thoughtful song for my mom when I was too poor to buy her a Mother's Day gift!

But I failed to break into autobiographical territory until this "song", about the unfortunate disproportionation (is that a word?) of my body.

So for all of you out there with T-Rex arms and lady boobs, this song goes out to you.

Sorry, Dad.



Note: I don't write down lyrics or even try to do a second take. That's why all my songs end abruptly and don't have any structure. Sorry, all real musicians, THIS IS A JOKE! Also, can I join fun.? 

Note, continued: I'm only writing this note because my one piece of blogger hate mail came from someone telling me I didn't know how to sing or play guitar. Uh, duh! Also send me more hate mail, that totally made me feel cool.

14 comments:

  1. You are completing f*cking warped, but in a good way, I think!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I fricken LOVE THIS. You have a lovely voice, you know that Kelly Bergin?

    ReplyDelete
  3. i loathe giving u compliments but your guitar playing has slightly improved.

    ReplyDelete
  4. this sounds like if fiona apple was more into comedy than being sad. This is a compliment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BEST COMPLIMENT EVER I LOVE YOU WHO ARE YOU

      Delete
  5. Your guitar playing is just a good as your Spanish! But, for songwriting purposes, I wish you had giant hands and feet and tiny boobs. That song would be really sad.

    What about "Gina's Emo?" That's my fave KPB single.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is absurd. But sort of comical.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Emma likes the 'Emma' song better.

    ReplyDelete
  8. take adderal for a week and get better at guitar PLEASE and also since u already sold ur soul and moved to west hollywood, it will be acceptable to autotune ur voice

    ReplyDelete
  9. Fuck, you're funny. And you do have a good voice. More, please.

    ReplyDelete