I have heard lately from friends and family that it is hard to read my blog. It is painful for them to see me ache--and it is confusing to those who have always known me as funny, loud, silly. The In Real Life Kelly does not always match the Internet Kelly.

My identities have split as I have gotten sicker, and wrote more, and realized I have a voice that is indelibly shaped by disease. In Real Life, I can live in denial. How do you feel? Better, thanks.

But I can no longer do that as I write. I am here to tell the truth. Whether I know it fully or not.  Writing this all out, typing it in 12 point font is the only way I know how to reconcile life and disease.

I do not write for an audience. I write for myself. Even as I pimp myself out (not literally...yet). Even as I advertise myself. In the end, I am still writing for me. I will write for as long as I write. This blog could end tomorrow, or never.

I am me and this is my reality.

For better or for worse.