8/7/10

The One Where Kristie Leaves

it is seven and i am awake.

my nose has been filled with sores and my mouth too.

that is so disgusting, you think.

you are right. it is so disgusting.

it is also undeniably painful and for over a week, i have watched my nose bleed, slept with toilet paper (i should buy kleenex), sneeze and then cry out from the pain of sneezing.

last night, we all gathered to say goodbye to kristie and as the hours moved on, as i got more and more tired, i could not sit there on the porch with them. i had to lay down, upstairs in my childhood bedroom. lay down and shake from pain.

there is a sore on my lip and it’s a crater. it is fat. phat, as i’ve been joking. oh, me and my funny jokes.

mornings are the worst! i remind myself of this now. you will get used to it!

twenty four years of you will get used to it!

today kristie leaves so i will try to sleep a bit before she does and then i will say goodbye and cry because my family is never apart and my nose is burning and my mouth hurts but mostly because i won’t see my baby sister for four months.

four months without kristie. this seems like a short time, but without kristie it will feel like a very long fall.

my mouth will hurt when i form the words goodbye, when i say i love you, when i kiss her on the cheek and bid her farewell.

but my heart? my heart will hurt more.

6 comments:

  1. Oh Kelly, I'm going to miss you so much. I know I chose this journey, and I'm glad I did, but I didn't fully realize how painful goodbye will be. I love you and am already counting down the days until December 19th!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aw, it's sweet how much you <3 your sister and she clearly loves you. Good luck to her on her journey!

    ReplyDelete
  3. You made me cry again with this one!

    ReplyDelete
  4. ok ok I cry at the drop of a hat-you two are killing me!!! I'm crying now for Kelly's sore mouth and nose and I'm sobbing cause you two have to say goodbye and the weirdest part is I still haven't met either of you. The truth is that I can just feel the love you have for each other. Bergin and family go hand in hand!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. "a very long fall." very nice. love the double meaning. this sounds like a title to me.

    ReplyDelete
  6. thank you mr. mike scotti, i may have to use that...

    ReplyDelete