my sleep patterns are erratic and fucked up and i am exhausted constantly.
on monday, i woke up with a sty that grew large overnight and so at lunch, they did an incision and drainage and gave me medicine to prevent infection.
it still hurts. they said it wouldn't.
on sunday, against my better judgement, i went to brooklyn and saw a concert and had just a little bit of fun.
but all i really wanted to do was sleep, so by 9:30 on sunday night, i was passed out. i woke up at midnight though and tossed and turned because my mouth is bad and my nose is bad and it's hard to sleep when you're face down and breathing through both vessels is a bitch.
unless i take more than the prescribed dose of xanax, i don't get to sleep for more than three or four hours. i am constantly exhausted. run-down. a normal sty doesn't turn into an infection overnight and healthy people can have fun but i can't, really. not this summer.
not like i used to.
sometimes i can't work or do anything because all i feel i want is to go back to bed. because i am sprouting fevers and sores and please, don't try to talk to me, it hurts.
I am bad for business. I am late and not there and I feel like shit about it. About all of it.
the world doesn't stop.
august is filled with bridesmaid duties and bachelorette parties and stuff stuff stuff! visitors from out of town. family.
and the thought of it all both excites me and depresses me. i want to do it all, work and say hi and have a beer and do dinner but this is the summer where i am paralyzed. tethered to my bed.
i can't get up. i want to! but i can't right now.
i just want to sleep.