The Kelly Bergin Scale O' Pain

People (aka my mom) are always asking me how I’m feeling.

I never really know what to say without freaking people out.

Many times I wish I could give a number to let them really know how I feel, but how would they know what those numbers meant?

I was perplexed. And a little bit sad.*

Until today.

Today, it came to me. The perfect scale! Designed by a patient with questionable character and an unsafe sanity level. It's revolutionary! I can see it now, hanging up in hospitals, nursing homes and mental asylums!

It is...

The Kelly Bergin Scale O’ PainTM

0- I’m cured!

1- I’m almost cured!

2- I’m sort of cured!

3- The cure is coming!

4- What’s a cure?

5- Ow.

6- OW.


8- Someone stab me.

9- Am I alive?

10- Dead.

*= Ha. Not really. I don't get sad, bitches. No more tears for Bergin in 2010!


  1. I rate my natural labor an 8

  2. I approve of the scale, but I think you need to add "Feels like I'm annotating" to the list.

  3. That, Aimee, is the worst pain of all.

  4. Haha Katie... I was at a 8 but it was because it literally felt like someone was stabbing me in the hip because of Cece's huge head pushing on it for so long. Too bad the epidural did almost nothing so the rest of the time I was a 7.

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  6. Katie, Liz--Remember on cousins family fun day fun times forever when you both shared your birth stories and I was traumatized FOREVER?!