Why Apartment Hunting Sucks

oh hey, everyone. it's been awhile.

mentioned, briefly, in the last post that my roommate skipped town.


so now here i am, smack dab, SMACK DIBBITY DAB, in the middle of apartment hunting.

i've been telling everyone that i know about my poor, unfortunate plight, because i love talking about myself and complaining is so awesome. and also, i'm fascinating. didn't you know?

but really, really i just want someone to say: "hey! you need an apartment! have mine. it's 900 bucks and has a rooftop pool and a doorman and a kitchen made out of CHOCOLATE!"

so far, this hasn't happened.

but the following things have:

1) on day two of the search, a pigeon shit on my face/dress. i ran into city market to cleanse myself, was mocked by others, and continued on to lunch. later that day i went to look at another place in murray hill (yuck. i know. but girlfriend is desperate.) and on my way there, i stepped in dog shit. and i had to run into a pizza place for napkins to wipe the dog shit off of my foot and it was filled with hot guys, no seriously, hot guys, and one was like "oh that's good luck!". well buddy, no it was not, because the next apartment that i saw was so god damn awful that i almost flung myself out the window.

2) day three of the apartment hunt was muggy, hot and digusting, and i went to a sixth floor walk up and was so out of breath and smelly and sweaty that when i sat on this perfectly nice and normal girl's couch, i left a knee sweat stain. knee sweat. not pleasant.

3) also on day three? i went to see a place in chelsea and i thought "ooh yay, nice chelsea, galleries, pretty" but it was really something like the flower district? except i didn't see any flowers, it was just what the cab driver told me (it was hot and sweaty and i didn't want to walk, i didn't wanna) and then i got to the apartment on 28th and i swear to god, it was like the murder house, i heard death metal playing, and there was a man wearing a chain link fence around his neck and it was black, everything was black and grey and metal everywhere and i said "oh hey, no thanks" and then ran out. it was pretty embarrassing, i mean he judged me, i judged him, it was not a good situation.


i saw some places yesterday and they were so wonderful and dreamlike and what do you know, they were in brooklyn, where i think i belong. so we'll see if i get them, because it's kind of like going for a job interview, and let's face it, i ramble and sweat and my handshake is insignificant and clammy. but i tried my hardest, very hardest, to impress upon these people that i'm not a mess!

what a lie.

wish me luck.


  1. I actually know of an apartment made of chocolate on the lower east side...no I kid, but wow that'd be fantastic. Good luck in the search kelrox! When you find an apartment let me know and have a housewarming party so I can get drunk with you in the bk

  2. come to the jersey side..cheaper, cleaner, hot looking guys...

  3. Get an apartment before Audreys birthday so I have somewhere to crash that night. Thank you.

    PS: You're insane

  4. live on the street

  5. Try Cazoodling at http://apartments.cazoodle.com

  6. #1 just means you are going to have supreme luck!

  7. Did you say that you found a Brownstone Walk up?? Maybe I dreamed that. I can't remember. Anyway- why don't you like Murray Hill? Naive question, I'm fully aware of that. I just moved here. To Murray Hill/Stuyvesant area. Too douchy?

    Good luck, and have a blast getting famous and shitfaced in CA. Cant wait to read about it!