8/30/09

What Might Happen While We're In LA

On Thursday, Gen, Meghan and myself head out to the great state of California to visit Rachel in her (new) natural habitat.

In preparation for yet another grand event, I have compiled the following list of probable occurrences.

1) Gen abuses the liquor cart on the plane and gets lost in transit. We find her coming through baggage claim six hours later, passed out inside her suitcase.

2) I realize my dream and make out with Frankie Muniz.

3) I accidentally on purpose make out with an underage Disney star (or two).

4) Meghan wears a slutty dress and gets mistaken for a hooker. She meets Eddie Murphy in all of the confusion and they marry in a lavish Vegas ceremony.

5) I get mistaken for a hooker and amidst no confusion but lots of alcohol, marry Verne Troyer.

6) Rachel flips out because our clothes are more Williamsburg than LA.

7) I stalk Kathy Griffin in a misguided attempt to make her love me and get arrested for trespassing.

8) I force everyone to go on a Celebrity Homes tour and weep when I see Merv Griffin's house (the man created Jeopardy!, people. He is/was a god.)

9) I give out my entire supply of business cards and get no emails/calls about my brilliant blog.

10) After a night of heavy drinking and "sexy" dancing, I go to Roscoe's to get chicken and waffles. Egged on by my dear friends, I dance suggestively on the table. Suge Knight is there and sees the brilliance that is my dancing and invites me to star in his next protege's music video. Fame and slutty outfits and yells of "I knew my love of fried chicken would pay off!" ensue.


L.A., here we come!

12 comments:

  1. Number ten kills!

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  2. Have fun Kel! I mean once you've survived bonnaroo, it's safe to say you can survive almost anything else. However let's try to avoid a hospital visit this time. Don't breath in that smoky air!

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  3. steaming in seattleAugust 31, 2009 at 6:50 PM

    seattle? i am not reading this post in protest of the fact that you are visiting rach in cali for the 2nd time and you still haven't visited us. boo to you. i'm THIS close to stripping away the "f'aunt" that currently proceeds your name.

    ps- there is no smog in the pacific northwest.

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  4. we are not going roscoe's chicken place

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  5. Frightening, Gen. Just frightening.

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  6. I have a few predictions for our trip to Cali to add to the list:

    1. I don't answer my phone for a day and my dad assumes the worst and flies out to LA to search for us in the firey blaze in the hills of LA.
    2. Kelly tells all of LA about her blog and finally gets discovered, the three of us decide to move out to LA to join Rachel and be kellys entourage. Of course I get to be E, while rachel is drama and gen is turtle (sorry girls!)
    3. Rachel gets us all in trouble when she's caught in a lie telling a group of guys that we are all plumbers and electricians from Compton (I mean girls can be plumbers!)
    4. We "lose" gen the first night we go out we don't see her again until she pops up on rachels doorstep Monday morning. Which is convienent timing because her mom is there in rachels living room waiting for her.

    Can't wait for the trip!!

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  7. Yo uhhh, uhhhh...I'm goinng back to caAAAlliiii:
    Going back to Cali, strictly for the weather
    Men, and Shanni--she got a small fanny.
    If I got to choose a coast I got to choose the East...
    But that don't mean a girl can't rest in the West
    Eat some nice chicken breasts in the West,
    Have a nice catch-up sesh in the West.
    I'll drop flows at Roscoe's--ya'll won't really hear me though.
    I got ambitionz as a (horse)rider. gonna hit up the Cali equestirian circuit, hell yea i'll WORK IT.
    Gonna be packing heat..(ing) pads
    cuz i'll be sore from dancing with hot lads.
    We'll hit up long beach, compton, IngleWOOD,
    damn straight we'll be up to no good.

    yo peace i'm out like clay aiken bitches!

    ReplyDelete
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