Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

Like Rufus here, sometimes I think that I may be my own worst enemy.

Friday I woke up and suddenly, my mouth ulcers were back with a vengeance. I’d been feeling like shit all week and had slipped up a few times on my healthy diet, but I was mostly a Very Good Girl. (I didn’t even go out at all last week, as planned!)

I had been taking a form of prednisone (an evil steroid) to reduce my symptoms, but I took my last dose a week ago so when the sores returned and the joint aches reappeared, I panicked. Not to mention I was still experiencing diabetes from it, all without having insulin to treat it.

But I was determined. I worked from home for half of the day Friday until I dissolved into a half-conscious mess but no matter what, I was NOT going back to the ER. So I took some leftover prednisone I had lying around and again, my blood sugar shot up (I don’t have a history of diabetes, ever. But prednisone can cause it, along with a host of other extremely horrible and generally depressing symptoms. LIKE MAKING YOU FAT!).

Last night I called my doctor. He said “don’t change your diet, let’s just see what happens. If your mouth or blood sugar gets higher, we’ll need to admit you.”

So instead of boozing with Sam for her belated/early birthday party, I hung with my cousins/siblings/friends and we watched Reptar on Ice (classic) and I had a small bit of ice cream. My thinking? “you’re high (on only legal drugs, duh) and life is short”. (Note: My mouth and throat can only handle: ice cream, tiny Cheerios, one at a time, and ice cold water and diluted coconut water ). I had my ice cream (a little bit fatter/a little more harmful for me), took more prednisone, and went to bed.

I just woke up. It's 5 am. Mouth worse. Throat worse. Blood sugar a whopping 254.
Which means: I may be back in the hospital tonight or tomorrow.

Which means: Fuck.

Update: It's 10 now. Mouth is so painful but my blood sugar's below 200. We need to stay below 200, people. BELOOOOOOOW 200.

Ed Note: I wrote the post below on Thursday and am just putting up now. My face still looks like it was beaten by thorns. Feels like it too. I am constantly wearing 2 pounds of makeup.


  1. We're all pulling for you whether you know it or not!

  2. Kelly! Tell your body to shut the fuck up and behave! xoxo Julie

  3. I'm with Julie. Thinking of you, Kelly.

  4. I don't know you but found your blog by accident, anyway, hang in there-and I agree-tell your body to shut the fuck up!!

    Jeri in Minnesota

  5. Love that you can articulate your anger - yet still keep some perspective about your illness. Love this blog..don't stop writing!

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