1) Someone (or conglomerate) named vodkatwits begins following you on Twitter.
2) You have extreme chest pain and heightened heart rate during "I Love You, Man" and all you can think about is whether this means you shouldn't smoke (only occasionally, family member who read this.)
3) You take a cab instead of walking .44 miles (according to Google Maps).
4) A casual happy hour drink turns into nearly ruining your 8 year-long friendship with Meghan because you locked her out of your apartment, passed out and slept through six missed calls.
5) Pineapple juice tastes "off", and you realize it's because there's no vodka in it.
More to come as the signs that I should cease to exist pile up.