It feels like it's been a winter in Los Angeles. Like, I moved here to escape the gray but somehow the gray found me. I'm only saying this because the past two days have been cloudy. Gray's not LA's color and it doesn't look good on it. When it’s not sunny, the streets seem even more unfamiliar to me and I get lost and do K-turns (more like circles, I can never do it right) in my car and my breath catches and I have to put on a Hanson song to reset myself. Oh, there I am. Singing along to MMMBop (still), passing the In & Out I went to when I first arrived, back when I was trying to be a vegetarian, knowing I'd fail.
What's LA like? People ask me this. It's not that different. I think I might be a little different. I hope to have changed a little. Sometimes I feel like I am in between places. This is not where I will be forever, but it's where I am now. Lately I've been thinking about Chicago. I don't know why. It's too cold. I know no one.
Last week I was driving to meet a friend for a drink. And I wasn't paying attention, or wearing my glasses and I slammed into the side of my building. There was an awful noise. A noise you feel in your legs and toes and fingers. Fuck, I said. I didn't yell. I stopped the car. I went out to check the damage and my passenger side mirror was dangling from the side of the car, all stupid looking. A man walking his dog said "Your mirror's off" like I didn't notice.
I went to Pep Boys. I know nothing about cars. I thought it might cost $500 to fix. I didn't know. I went to the man and asked him if he could glue the mirror back on. He looked at me like I was crazy. I just wanted a temporary fix. I tried to look cute. "Come on," I said. "I'm sure we could just glue it on." He said no. I went back inside and found someone else. He suggested I rip out my shoelace and somehow hold it together. Then I looked at HIM like he was crazy. "It might look a little ugly," he warned.
I don't care how my car looks. I just look around at an intersection and find three or four more beat up than mine. I went back into Pep Boys and ordered a new mirror and was relieved to find it was only $55.
Sunset in Venice Beach
This weekend I went out to Venice and I drank those double shot margaritas. The kind you are going to regret in the morning. I kissed a surfer, but then he said he liked Mitt Romney (!) and I ran away. I felt a little wild, like I did when I was in New York and drinking a lot and doing stupid shit. But it was fun. It was fun to feel 24 again. (Two whole years ago, I know. Eye roll. My eyes are rolling for you.)
Kristie, my red-headed sister, is pregnant. I found out in January and when I did, I didn't believe her, so I made her swear on Jesus and the baby’s life. I’m sort of awful. Then I chased her around for two days singing Creed’s “With Arms Wide Open”. I’m really excited to corrupt that child. I’ve already starting writing inappropriate lullabies. Keep an eye out.
It’s weird to feel this overwhelming love for someone who hasn’t been born yet. I always wonder if I’ll ever have kids, but I feel like the way I love this baby, and the way I love my f’nieces and godson, is enough for me.
This summer, I’m coming home for a couple of months. I'll throw Red a baby shower and stay until the baby's born. I'm excited. I'm keeping my car in Matt's driveway. I'm back in LA in September. I’ll find a new place and I’ll decorate it with pictures of Kelly Jr. Sadie. (I'm taking bets on whether the baby will be a ginger. Email for a buy-in.)
This has been a rambling post, but I wanted to check in. I like it here. I like how things are. I'll see you all this summer. I hope you’re are well and have room on your couch in Brooklyn for me to crash. I'm coming.