10/11/10

A Disability Leave Update

I have been on disability leave for well over a month now. (NO WORK! SCHOOL'S OUT FOR THE SUMMER!)

In that time, I spent one day in the emergency room getting an abscess underneath my armpit drained. I was in a wedding. I went to Atlantic City. I spent time in the city and then, tired and out of breath (and money), I left the city for my parents' house, where I was given Gatorade and pretzels on command. It was nice, and it was fun for awhile. Life with Ozzie and Harriet got boring though, and I craved the company of peers, so I headed to my grandmother's. She's not exactly a peer (Sorry, G.) but my two cousins, Colleen and Samantha, live there. And we are close in age and have been raised (sometimes like a pack of wolves) pretty much together, so I spent five days there. I studied for the GRE and wrote. I even went to the Rutgers Library, where I realized that I am old and college boys are loud. And hot.



And then I returned to the city, for more doctor's appointments to devise Kill Lupus, Kill! treatment plans. I was prescribed new medicines and a flu shot and then I spent two days puking and feverishly moaning on the couch, clutching my left arm (now infected) to my side while watching marathon of classic episodes of The Nanny. I went out briefly in Brooklyn on Friday, for Ross' birthday, but Gen punched me in the wrong arm so I went home and took painkillers. On Saturday I went back to New Jersey, to see Katie, Allie and Emma. Aren't they cute?


Now I am back in my parent's house, in my sister's bedroom. Today I will be back in the ER.

This will have come full circle.


I have rested much of this past 40 days, but to what relief? None. There were bright, shiny days when I felt I could do what I wanted. These were days I cherished, perhaps in ways that healthy people do not. I did what I wanted while I was well, but I have spent much of this month with the shades drawn and my laptop humming beside me on the bed.


I am supposed to use this time to get well, or at least better myself in some way. Despite my lack of physical relief, I know I have. I feel stronger mentally and emotionally than I have in the past 2.5 years. I feel loose on my feet, and even though steroids have made my face fat, I think I might be. I did a jig in Grandma's kitchen last week, and I thought it was pretty damn good.

It annoys me that my life is so cyclical--sick, okay (for a week or so), and then sick again. I haven't turned a corner because I have been jogging in place. I have no progress to show and no idea when I will be ready to work again.

But I can at least rest knowing that I'm using this time for some good. Later today will be brutal, gruesome, bloody and unpleasant, but at least I have a better grip on it than I did a month ago.


This time has not been fruitless, after all.

(Thanks, as always, for the emails, Twitter @'s, messages, care packages, and kind words. I appreciate it all.)

9 comments:

  1. I am so sorry it's so up and down. The good days are good, but their memory can't ease the pain when it's so bad for you. I will await your news later today after the ER trip. thinking of you.

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  2. Yikes, I'm sorry you're not yet better. Hang in there.

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  3. Ohh kel!! So sorry to hear you're not doing well. Hope you get better soon. xxTaylor

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  4. Ok, I didn't "punch" you, I merely nudged you. And I wasn't the only one who did so, right?! Either way, sorry pal. Make them give you some good painkillers today. Maybe some Marinol for old times sake?

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  5. Oh Marinol...


    Reading this, I almost miss bringing things to you on your every command. One of my students always has Gatorade and I always think of my pookie.

    I'm glad you've gotten better mentally. I know it was getting dark there. As always Kel, you're an
    inspiration.

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  6. This was a great post.. your exuberant nature and strength are shining through! I agree with Kristie .. you are an inspiration! And not to mention a great teacher of comedy i.e. classic Kelly Bergin one liners, how to be witty, and what tv shows to watch.

    p.s. hope youve been enjoying Teen Mom

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  7. Keep taking care of yourself and don't lose hope (doesn't sound like u will!)

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  8. i guess your brother giving you his "natural medicines" and hanging out with you doesnt make this post but im sure he will keep reading.

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