10/18/13

Fear. Reality.

 
 

(Super Emo Picture I Took To Demonstrate My Misery, Obviously)


I am submerged in painkillers, but the pain is as clear as ever. I am a mouthful of open wounds; my speech is garbled, heavy with uncertainty. I swallow and inside I scream. 

I rinse my mouth in the bathroom and bang my fists against the walls. I get back into bed and sleep for an hour; I wake and do it all over again.

I try to listen to my meditations but they do nothing to penetrate my reality. I watch The West Wing and remain awake. I swallow another painkiller; I've lost count of how many I've taken today. I should be more careful; I cannot.

I feel like I am drowning; breathing through my mouth is not an option, but my nose is congested, so that each breath I take is shallow. I use nasal spray, decongestants, more often than recommended. I need a minute of relief.

I read my books and websites and forget what's been said a minute later. I rewind my shows and watch again. My attention is blurred. I do not drive on days like this.

I blow off my friends. I apologize but it must get old, right? I am never there when I say I will be. 

My sister gets married in 2 weeks and I'm afraid my sickness will still be present. I'm afraid I won't be able to celebrate her. I'm afraid I'll be tired and lethargic. I am afraid, I am afraid.

I need a break. I want a break.

This is my entire life, and I need more.

11 comments:

  1. Suggerimenti per l'acquisto di una copia qui.Svizzeri perfetti Orologi Le persone trascorrono molto tempo a cercare su Internet, Repliche perfetti rolex Orologi dove ci sono molte repliche di famosi marchi di stilisti in vendita, e possiamo essere sicuri che siano di alta qualità e qualità.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Copy Moncler clothes are very nice and very temperamental.cheap moncler jackets I really like this replica Moncler dress. The store service is very good, the quality of the clothes is very good, and the price is very good.replica moncler jackets I think I am very cheap, good quality and cheap

    ReplyDelete
  3. Congratulations on your article, it was very helpful and successful. 9e13e4c7bfeaa1bc9339acafaa2968b4
    website kurma
    sms onay
    numara onay

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for your explanation, very good content. ee5f0ea551b78dd22361d1da8ed18162
    define dedektörü

    ReplyDelete