Ways To Impress People + Make Friends At Your New Office: A List By Kelly Bergin
On day 1, trip headfirst into a conference room wall. Wait for reassuring laughter, and turn crimson as you are instead met with stunned silence.
On day 2, purchase a New England Clam Chowder in a bread bowl from the very smelly fish market in Chelsea Market. Bring it up to your desk, and when you think no one is looking, use a piece of the bread as a napkin. Quickly realize that your boss is watching in disgust.
On day 3, view a Hanson fan tribute video on YouTube (BECAUSE YOU LIKE THE SONG AND DON’T HAVE iTUNES), and get caught by boss again.
On day 4, make an ill-conceived joke about prostate cancer and turn red as a coworker mentions his father had it.
On day 5, dress inappropriately and walk around all day with a notepad covering your chest. You know, just in case anyone is watching.
I can’t believe no one’s asked me out for drinks yet.