I'm almost 25 years old.

Things That Make Me Realize I Am A Child

· Realizing, at 12:30, that I have been wearing my shoes on the wrong feet. For 4 hours.
· Standing on my bed to jump off (for no good reason), slipping and smacking my forehead on the hardwood floor. However, the THWACK! sound that rung out when my demented head hit the wood was rather satisfying.
· When playing Declan in a game with Words with Friends (username: kellybergin), I laugh hysterically at his last word choice: duty. DOODIE!
· Breaking my very expensive eyeglasses. For the 4th time in less than two years.
· Daring a friend to eat a whole thing of wasabi as a form of petty entertainment.
· Entering a very smelly women’s bathroom at a bar and immediately yelling “It wasn’t me!” to everyone who walked in. It wasn’t, in fact, me.
· Not owning a laundry basket.
· As a result, not doing laundry for 6 10 weeks.
· Burning Ramen.
· Eating Ramen.
· Being like, really bad at grammar, and having to google the difference between < and >.

I need to go back to elementary school.


2011--LET'S DO THIS.

Last week, in a haze of self-doubt at work, I began obsessively thinking about the ways I could change myself.

Each year I hope to become a better person, but part of me had faltered in doing that in 2010. Everything I did or felt was in the extreme: sick, happy, sad, drunk, stupid, mean. 

It was a long year, filled with pain and hospital visits and more trips to the ER than I can count. But it was also filled with pockets of joy, moments where I felt whole.

However, I failed to follow through on any of unrealistic last year's resolutions. I joined a gym for like 5 minutes, I didn't write a book (no, I'm not Snooki, despite popular beliefs), and I still have no money. 

I didn't travel as much as I would have liked, but I ate dim sum in Chinatown that one time and also lived in Middlesex County for 3 months. (Middlesex County, New Jersey. Not England.) 

I certainly didn't have enough adventures in 2010, either. Unless you count ill-advised drunken nights in Seattle with strange older men. WHICH I DO!

I also never stopped using my parents credit card. And thanks to them, I'm Delivery.com's best customer. And will soon be rewarded with a Delivery.com SNUGGIE!

So after failing miserably in 2010, I set out to make a list that would mold me into the best version of myself in '11. This is the year I turn 25 and stop acting like I'm 19. This is the year I stop writing blogs about puking (mmm..). This is the year I have a child. (HAHA JK IT WOULD DIE IN MY CARE.)

This is the year I become less dead inside, avoid McDonald's completely (even when hungover), and stop taking Xanax to sleep every night. I'll also write that book (pen name: Snooki), eat disgusting healthy food, and avoid my quarterly hospitalizations. I'll learn to speak Spanish (Como estas, BITCHES?) and hug people more. (Why do we hug? To show love?? Still not clear about the point of hugs.) And I will go to Europe.

I'm ready for a change. So, 2011, let's go:

This is the year of the Bergin.