7/22/10

WHY FATTY WHY

Up until about a year and a half ago, I was a fairly picky eater. My main food groups were the following:

1) Corn. (And by corn, I mean tortilla chips)
2) Salsa
3) Candy (All kinds, except those with nuts)
4) Beer (All kinds, except those without alcohol)
5) Boneless buffalo wings, preferably from Applebee's
6) Baby food
7) Pizza
8) Hard alcohol
9) Easy Mac (for any meal of the day, really. Most college mornings I ate it for breakfast. I had the variety pack from Costco)
10) Dino Eggs Oatmeal (Um. You guys are missing out if you haven't eaten this most delicious oatmeal.)
11) Movie-theater popcorn

And I hated a lot of good foods, like the following:

1) Ice cream (IT CAN BE SENSITIVE ON THE TEETH I MESSED UP FROM ALL THE SUGAR STRAWS I ATE)
2) Mexican food (Besides salsa and chips, I didn't care for the beans/bloat that came afterward.)
3) Pasta. All kinds, really. Lasagna. Penne vodka. Italian. (I know, but I'm Irish! The only pasta I knew was the Top Ramen my mom cooked when she was too tired to feed us real food! Ed note: she was a working mom.)
4) Cheeseburgers and anything made on a grill (It tastes burnt!!)
5) Bacon (I know. I KNOW.)
6) All vegetables, besides mashed potatoes slathered in butter and salt.

Despite my bad taste, I was living the good life. Eating my pizza, drinking my Olde English. In college, I ate salads until I bit into a cucumber and a tooth fell out. That really ruined salads for me for awhile.

Sadly, I never even felt the need to explore outside my realm of child-approved foods.

Then I moved to the city (college in the Bronx doesn't really count, as I lived above a pizza place and gleamed most of my sustenance from Goodfella's) and learned it wasn't really "cool" to eat like a toddler. Plus Meghan makes me eat sushi now. (Gross.) Since I've become cosmopolitan, I've broadened my horizons, and in turn, widened my waist line. I still like the old stand bys, but now I also love:

1) Corned beef sandwiches from Eisenberg's (There is a God. Jewish, maybe. But real.)
2) Thai food
3) Sushi (sometimes)
4) Fried chicken from the Redhead (Oh hi chicken! You are the most delicious $18 animal I ever eaten!)
5) Arepas (I didn't even know what these were until a few weeks ago. Now I crave Yuca--where they make my favorite kind--daily.
6) Lobster rolls from Luke's Lobster (I blame Georgetown University for this.)
7) Fancier/higher calorie beer (Ooh, look at me! Drinking my cool microbrew! Oh, wait--this isn't light? Oh well, ONE LIFE!)
8) Milkshakes (which I never, ever liked before yet now crave daily! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!)
9) Four Loko alcoholic drink (Lemonade flavor is the best. It's what you want your last drink to be before your heart explodes from the alcohol/caffeine/sugar content.)
10) Asparagus (My God! Vegetables can be good? Drizzle some olive oil on these suckers and I'm set!)

I'm glad I'm branching out and all, but soon I won't fit into my Mouth Sore jeans* anymore.

And I really, really should eat healthier.

It's just hard living in a city with the Best Food on Earth. (I'M TALKING TO YOU, SHAKE SHACK NEXT TO MY OFFICE)

And since I don't cook (um...ever. Don't let me lie to you and say that I do. The only thing I can cook is crystal meth), I order every meal in. It's no fun cooking for one person. I'm like Cathy the cartoon, but with less chocolate and no cat (yet).

So dear readers of this manic blog--have any delicious recipes they care to share? Serving size 1? (sob)


*: my skinny jeans-- the ones I have from high school that only fit when I haven't been able to eat in awhile. I'm wearing them now and I can't breathe or bend down.

9 comments:

  1. My God woman! You like weird foods.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You eat like a child!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. 1. Um hello Kelly, you LOVE penne vodka from Serpicos. It's heaven in a fatty sauce, tossed in even fattier pasta! You also have never been known to turn down a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. Of course your readers know this!

    2. I burst out laughing when I read the Mouth Sore jeans part.

    3. Unfortunately for me, I love everything on your foods you love and foods you hate list.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Blizzards are an exception and penne vodka didn't come onto the scene until Derek showed me how wonderful it is!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I miss your dino egg obsession, glad to see it still exists!

    ReplyDelete
  6. What about Sour Straws and salt and vinegar chips? I would say Sabra hummus, but I don't think you ever got to eat it when you bought it. I recall a specific tub that said "NOT ERIN'S."

    ReplyDelete
  7. A) Dino Eggs are God's gift to humanity
    B) Sour Straws caused my cavities! S & V chips are still all the rage. and I do like hummus now!

    ReplyDelete
  8. You can come to my house and I'll teach you how to cook!

    -NS

    ReplyDelete
  9. BABY FOOD?! Like the pureed kind??

    Laughing my ass off. As usual!

    ReplyDelete