Bad Things I Do In Life (the first list in a very important series)
Like Santa, I'd figure it'd be easier to make a list. So henceforth my list of really bad things that I do even though I know better continues....
1. Using the word retard to describe stupid, non mentally impaired people. As in: Greg, you're a retard if you don't go to college.
2. Taking a whiff of my armpits on the subway even though I know people can see. Now this is just plain embarrassing. But sometimes you're not sure if it's you or the homeless guy singing "Amazing Grace".
3. Not giving aforementioned homeless guy my spare change so I can get expensive 'wichcraft for lunch
4. Not recycling (see above)
5. Ordering, eating and enjoying veal francaise. And I was the only one who ordered it at a table of twelve where we were offered beef tips or veal. Seriously: WHO LIKES BEEF TIPS??
6. Laughing at children when they cry. Sometimes it's funny when they fall! They look like little drunk sailors and then BOOM, they just fall over. I love kids (some may call me a baby licker), but they ARE funny when they fall.
7. Spending less than $10 on a Christmas gift (Sorry ____, you'll see come Christmas Day)
8. Encouraging Gen to use the handicapped sticker she has when there's hardly any parking at the mall and then using lupus as an excuse. Whoops.
9. Using my disease to get out of stuff I don't want to do. Saturday Mother was on a menopausal tear and tried to force me to clean (IT WAS MY DAY OFF) and I faked a vomit attack so I could sleep all day and not have her bother me. I also caught up on the Samantha Who? episodes I missed, as well as Desperate Housewives. Sorry, Mom.
I wish these things were an accident, so I could look back and saw "Whoops, I didn't know". But sadly, I know. I know and I do it anyway. I am a disobedient toddler. I'm going through my Terrible (Twenty) Twos.
I know you guys aren't angels...so fess up!